dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
