You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
