i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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