Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
