just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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