What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
