We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
