Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
