woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
