is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
