I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize