Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
worst night to have a conscience
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
