I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
