DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
