Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize