If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
