i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
two words...techno handjob
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
