Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
