Define "chronic" masturbator.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
