i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
