Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
