she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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