that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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