Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
