My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
