some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
