i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Less talking, more tequila
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
