She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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