but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
