My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
