hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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