I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize