He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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