I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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