Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
