just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
