My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
