I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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