I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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