apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
