I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
