he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
