i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
