Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
two words: eviction party
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
