My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize