How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
