just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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