she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
