I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Terrible idea I love it
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
