can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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