so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
