im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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