I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I've blown a few things in my day
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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