I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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