honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
