have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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