I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
