I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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