Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
