I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize