tell your sister to shave her snatch
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
