Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
