how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
