I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
worst night to have a conscience
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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