I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
