Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
