I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
