Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
