watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
